Garden Fail, Summer Fail, All is Fail

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Want to hear something truly LOLzy? I moved into my house nearly a year ago. It was the VERITABLE EVE OF AUTUMNTIDE and the landlord had left my lawn in lovely shape. The leaves were turning golden brown, the air was crisp and brisk and all those words. I had a lovely red scarf and wellington boots and Vulpe and me went on wonderful romps amongst the rusty coloured trees and grasses and overripe brambles and windfall apples.

Summer seemed ONE BILLION YEARS away. I skipped merrily through the home & garden aisles of Wilko, buying up bird feeders, wildflower seeds, polka dotty garden gloves and other JARDIN ACCOUTREMENTS.

I’d like to say “uh, summer never arrived”, but it did arrive, didn’t it? There was a summer, and I missed it, didn’t I? My wildflower seeds got pummelled by weeds and stuff, the lawn grew and grew and grew until Vulpe felt like she was living in Jurassic Park, and I got progressively more embarrassed about The State of It All. (My super-brave and generous-hearted beloved even mowed on a couple of occasions but mowing straight through Jurassic Park is a bit tricky, as it turns out.)

HOWEVER. Apparently life does find a way. Some survived. None thrived…….. But some survived……

My peppermint plant made pretty flowers! I hate gratuitious mint leaves in stuff (omg why am I growing mint?) so I donated them to Vulpe’s doggy daycare for their sensory activities.
Holy mother of chuff, I made a red tomato!
I guess these might turn red too. That would be a miracle, no less.
I have no idea what these flowers are but the bumblebees like 'em. THUMBS UP.
I have no idea what these flowers are but the bumblebees like ’em. THUMBS UP.
More of the pretty mystery flowers.

I am quite satisfied that these troopers survived a season of utter neglect. I’d like to say I’ll try harder for Spring 2016 but I kinda think that would be a lie.

The best part of the whole thing is that I can’t even eat the precious tomatoes because of my motherflipping stomach maladie. I have now offered to my GP pretty much every bodily fluid/product that they have demanded, as well as enduring at least one rather violatory examination. I sure hope the results come back soon. I miss All The Food 😦

Brave soldier 😥
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2 thoughts on “Garden Fail, Summer Fail, All is Fail

  1. Garden fail solidarity. 😐 I started so late on my garden; I think I spied a tiny little cucumber the other day, but other than that, I'm not expecting much from it. And the lavender I planted are getting engulfed by weeds but I feel too overwhelmed to even try attacking the mess. Ugh.
    Thinking good thoughts for when your results come back! 🙂

    Like

    1. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one! I’m so hopeless I’m actually looking forward to winter now so everything will stop growing and I can mow the lawn and it’ll stay mown 😛 Then I’ll stick some winter pansies in a hanging basket and hope for the best!

      And thank you! I should get my results later today 🙂

      Like

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