On Knitting, Attempted Evictions, Junk Food and Vegan MOFO 2014

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Dearest Lovely Readers,

My life is a shambles. Last year I failed at Vegan MOFO because I’d just moved into my new flat following a brief spell of almost homelessness, after my long term partner came home one day and decided our relationship was over. I had no internet access and I tried valiantly to MOFO it up all the same, but I failed.

This year, I have my lovely fibre optic broadband, and that isn’t a problem. One thing I’m lacking is kitchen mojo, and really mojo of any kind, and the past year’s been all about baby steps. This week I put on some gardening gloves and cleared all the junk out of my big ol’ back yard. I am growing THREE PLANTS from seed, and also have some nice potted herbs. My tomato and chilli plants bear no fruit yet, but I don’t care! I made green leaves from nothing but plastic pots and soil!

My chilli plant even made flowers, check it out:

I also saw my first grey-haired visitor recently. He took all the birds’ nuts, but that’s ok. What shall I call him?

Made giddy by this horticultural success, I ordered a splendid (cheapo) raised bed the other day and I’m already doing an excited dance about its impending arrival. I’m going to buy vegetables to plant, and just you try and stop me.

I was thrilled by this undeniable progress into adulthood. I’ve even been remembering to take the bins out after my responsible upstairs neighbours moved out. I even cleaned out my kitchen bin the other day and, all in all, I felt unstoppable.

And then my evil, homewrecking letting agency decided to pick a fight with me and try and kick me out of my Whalley Range oasis.

Whilst I spent the last two days in wretched anxiety, today I had a victory when I wrote a letter issuing the smackdown to end all smackdowns to the agency and within 8 minutes I had a voicemail from them backtracking on all their nonsense. Bullies – 0, Little Guy – 1.

Before the situation was resolved, I needed some serious junk food. I decided that ordering Chinese food (my self-prescribed therapy) was probably a bad idea since I might need to save my pennies for moving house, so I threw together this monster faux-breakfast sarnie….. Beholde, ‘egg’, ‘bacon’ and ‘cheese’ ‘sandwich’:

The bacon is the usual Redwoods rashers. The cheese is Violife (my new favourite ever) and the ‘egg’ is thinly sliced tofu fried in a mixture of salt, pepper, turmeric and black salt.

I also took refuge in my new favourite pure ROCK hobby: knitting.

Recently I organised a craft charity event (which, sadly, was a bit of a bust due to the freakishly hot weather in Manchester keeping the crowds away, but anyway…..) where I was taught how to knit by the lovely Knit Chorlton folks. I have become an immediate addict and started researching all sorts of non-animal-yarn options. I’ve ordered some lovely acrylic yarns to get myself started and the Stitch & Bitch handbook which I hope will enable me to read a knitting pattern without my brain exploding. Look, I learned how to knit AND PURL within hours!

I’m thinking of doing a crafty theme for Vegan MOFO, maybe vegan knitting. I might challenge myself to make a hat or something similar by the end of September. CAN I DO IT? Probably not, cos I am pretty successful at failing.

So yep. There we are. I think I’ll go on a vegan knitting adventure for Vegan MOFO fuelled by naught but junk food. And maybe we’ll follow the adventures of Samson the Grey Squirrel and the thrilling updates about my raised vegetable bed. Hold on to your trousers.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHAT YOU YOU MOFO’ING ABOUT?

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5 thoughts on “On Knitting, Attempted Evictions, Junk Food and Vegan MOFO 2014

  1. How stressful. Glad to hear you don't have to move. Knitting is ace and has got me through some of my worst times. I used to do lots of craft fairs. They were mixed experiences, sometimes great and sometimes I sold hardly anything. I had some great simple patterns for cats and bunnies. If I can still find the patterns online will sent you links.

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